It has been so long since I sat down and wrote a blog for this Space. As you may have already read, Nicole and I haven't exactly been the most model weight watchers. I have let my old habits slowly creep back into my life. Overall, I feel that I've done pretty well...every other time I have tried to diet, I have lasted maybe a day or two and then given up and gone right back to what I'm used to. At least when I have struggled and failed with these life changes, I have picked myself up and gotten back on the program. I am really going to try to keep going with the program and start to make these changes permanent. Nicole mentioned in a previous blog that I am emotionally attached to food. That has been the hardest part of this for me. I honestly get really depressed when I can't eat what I want or satisfy my cravings, to the point that I would rather not eat than eat something I don't want. Most days, I feel like I am just pushing food through my body to get the calories. I don't enjoy food anymore. I suppose that is a good thing, but it is really difficult to give up something that has brought you a lot of happiness, enjoyment, and comfort for most of your life. Food addiction is very hard to deal with - if I was addicted to drugs or alcohol, I could detox, go to rehab and conceivably be cured of my addiction. We can't live without food. I have to deal with my addiction every moment of every day - if I am not trying to decide what to eat, I am constantly thinking about the foods that I want that I can't have. Food is always at the forefront of my brain and I can't stop it. I don't know how to deal with my feelings and Nicole doesn't understand how I feel. She can appreciate what I'm going through, but she hasn't ever experienced the true addiction that I suffer from. I am very depressed and my school stress compounded by my food stress only makes it worse. I am really trying, but I am really failing, too. All I can do is keep picking myself up when I fall because I am imperfect and I will fall from time to time. Tomorrow's weigh in should be interesting. Nicole and I are crossing our fingers that we haven't undone our good work from last week. Amanda